Too Much Free Time Productions

Years ago while lying in my hammock and drinking JD from the bottle I noticed my dog dragging something under the fence. Upon inspection, to my dismay, I realized it was the next door neighbor's 10 year old daughter's rabbit.

For years I had watch her come home from school and head straight out to it's cage, free it and play with it in the yard. I knew today would be no different and fearing for our dog, I had to think fast.

The rabbit was quite dirty, as if it had put up quite a struggle, so I washed it off with the hose, combed it with the Dog brush and blew it dry with the leaf blower.

Upon finishing it's grooming I hopped the fence and replaced back in it's cage hoping it's death would be written off as "natural causes".
Back to the hammock and my JD.

Within the hour the neighbor's Volvo pulled in as usual and out popped the little girl, and as usual she headed straight for the cage. Only this time she stopped about six feet away and screamed: "DDDAAAADDDDDDDYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Her father, panic stricken, stood looking at the cage. Being the good neighbor that I am I rushed to fence and asked if there was anything I could do. Her father less than calmly blurted, "What kind of sick individual would dig up a little girl's dead rabbit and put it back in it's cage??"

Cool story... is it real.

most likely somewhere. these stories usually have some background. either way, its funny.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N' Schitt, Inc.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt and the twins, Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt.

After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later remarried Ted Sherlock and, because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.

Against her parent's objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son of nervous disposition, Chicken Schitt. Two other of the six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd and Hoarse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt. So now when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt," you can correct them.

A judge was punishing three men because they had committed a crime. Their sentence was a few years in the desert. He said that they could each take one thing with them.

The first guy decides to take an umbrella, so that he can have shade whenever he wants.

The second guy decides to take a water bottle so that he won't get thirsty.

Finally, the third guy decides to take a car door.

The judge asked, "Why in the world would you want to take a car door?" The man replies, "Just in case it gets hot, I can roll down the window."
More Whatever Jokes »

lol, these are pretty good, keep them coming!

A new teacher tries to make use of her psychology courses. The first day of class, she starts by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!"

After a few seconds, Little Johnny stands up. The teacher asks, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself."

lol, ok, i have one:

there is a woman walking down a side street at midnight, and she is 8 months pregnant with triplets. A man turns the corner and shoots her 3 times. Each fetus has a bullet stuck in it. She goes to the Hospital and finds that the babies can be saved, but the cannot remove the bullets or the babies will die, so naturally she agrees and asks if they can be removed when they are older. The doctors say yes and they make plans to bring the kids in when they are much older so they won't die while being operated on.

Years later, the mother forgot all about the bullets and about the surgery to have them removed. She is sitting in her living room reading a book when one of her 2 daughters comes into the room, crying her eyes out.

"Whats wrong dear?" asks the mom.

"i just peed out a bullet!" Shrieked the teenage girl.

after a little thinking about why that would happen, the mom remembers the incident that happened when she was still pregnant. She tells her daughter the story, and explains that nothing is wrong with her.

the daughter accepts this and leaves the room as the second daughter comes in complaining of the same thing.

The mother tells her the story as well, and just like the first, she accepts it and leaves.

about a half-hour later, the son comes into the room shouting: "You will never guess what just happened mom!"

She assumes that he also peed out a bullet, and tells him the story as well. When asking if he understands, he nods, but then says:

"But mom, i didn't pee out a bullet!"

His mom looks inquisitively at him and asks what happened then.

His reply:

"I was touching myself, and i shot the dog!"

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I have more, just ask for them

Keep your own jokes coming too!

lol dude that one was funny as hell i was laughing for a good 5 mins i'll look around and stuff and check all the joke emails i get and see about posting up some more. oh and btw im going to put a blleten to all my gamer friends on my myspace about this webstie to try and get more users on here and stuff.

thanks! that would be great!